I Had to Leave to Find Silence – Alone in Outer Space

pexels - Man wearing a spacesuit

Do you know this feeling?

Do you know the feeling of being caught between two spheres your inner voice and the outside world? Permanently exposed to feedback, constant input, and the pressure of FOMO. Impressed by the artworks of others, you try to incorporate parts of them into your own. Surrounded by a defined art style that a community identifies with and you’re right in the middle of it, without really knowing who you are.

All these questions kept surfacing until, suddenly, the thought appeared: I need silence.

Farewell - NMA Digital Campus

And so it happened. Last week, I decided to withdraw from the New Masters Academy community the so-called “NMA Digital Campus.” After three intense years, I had become a small but active member of the Discord Campus, mostly present in the digital sketchbook. I shared my progress, followed the journeys of others, and engaged in conversations that shaped me artistically to this day.

The open, warm-hearted culture impressed me deeply: everyone helps each other, supports one another during tough times. This mindset holds a community together and allows it to grow. The term “Digital Campus” is meant quite literally here.

And yet: all of this no longer helped me. I slowly began to feel like I was in a golden cage.

Who am I as an artist?

By leaving the community, a certain inner tension fell away, yet at the same time, a sense of fear and uncertainty emerged. It feels as if I were dropped into the vastness of space with nothing but a spacesuit and a jetpack - just me and the endless void, and it’s up to me to choose a direction.

So now I am completely on my own without constant feedback or praise for the work I show, without comparison to other artists. It’s just my art and me. But where do I want to go?

This uncertainty frightens me at times, yet it also holds immense potential.

Now I must confront myself surrounded by silence and inner tension, torn between directions.

But in the end, art is essentially just an expression of my inner self, and I am the one who decides in what form I want to bring it to the page.

This newfound freedom must now take shape through the exploration of my artistic identity one that is honest and authentic.

Once I have found it, it will speak through my images.